Do not panic, self, there's nothing creeping up on you.

There! There's it is again! Did you see it? Bending over nonchalantly looking for a four-leaf clover. It is a leprechaun. A leprechaun is stalking me. This is, like, the third time this has happened.

I thought we settled all this during the Great Leprechaun War of '02. I send them a fat check twice a year, they keep out of my way, everyone's happy.

Come to think of it, I've been seeing way too many leprechauns in my peripheral vision lately. When I'm in a crowd, signing autographs, there've been little bearded red-haired dudes in ridiculous hats glaring at me, shaking their heads disapprovingly.

Is he coming over this way? He is! Oh, goddammit. Think, Bono, think! OK, I'm running. Ugh. I forgot how much I hate to move. Maybe if I drop some change while fleeing, he'll stop to pick it up.

*pant pant pant*

My, he is fast.

I hope no one nearby can read minds, because right now I think I hate Ireland. Lord, get me through this one, and swear to God, I will go directly to join a health club after I tip a few pints at the pub.

(Photo by kk+ via flickr.)