It occurred to me the other day that I haven’t written a product review in months! The most recent was the review I wrote under my pen name Heather K. Adams, in which I famously critiqued the Hannah Montana Secret Star Hair Color Kit (3.5/5 stars). Well what better way to get back to doing what I love than by reviewing the product that has everyone talking: Mail Goggles.

When I heard that Google had developed a program specifically designed to prevent the sending of electronic missives whilst under the influence, I felt I was a good candidate to put it to the test. See I’m just like you; once I’ve had a few spirits of choice, there’s that inevitable point in the evening at which I sit down at the computer to email death threats to poor people and youngsters. Perhaps Mail Goggles can prevent that embarrassing “oops!” moment the morning after?
In a word, yes! The stress of attempting the five math problems in 60 seconds, with a head full of murderous rage (and rare Vietnamese turtle blood), caused my defibrillator to short circuit and I passed away. Thankfully my backup generator restored power to my secondary defibrillator, and I was resuscitated. When I regained my senses, Mail Goggles had sent me some sage advice: “Water and bed for you.”
Dick's rating: 4/5 stars
George W. Bush:
You know, Dick, you've sent me quite a few of those emails too.
10/10/2008 11:09 AMDick Cheney:
Yes, I know, but I wasn't drinking when I sent those.
10/10/2008 12:09 PMMr. T:
Vot in de hyells are you talkings about?
10/10/2008 1:15 PMSarah Palin:
I don't get it.
10/10/2008 4:53 PMBut I can see Russia from my house.
Dick Cheney:
People, this is not all that complicated. When I drink, I "drunk-dial," using email. What makes me most happy when in this state is to email death threats to children and poor people. Occasionally, while in this state, I also like to send death threats to that nitwit you all elected to be President. Twice. I like to kill, I thirst for blood, and I feed upon the weak of body and mind. Seriously, this can't be a secret anymore!?! Hell, I even tried to kill an elderly man once. I shot him clean in the face for fucksake!!!
10/10/2008 5:06 PMHeather K. Adams:
Thanks for the plug, Dick.
10/11/2008 12:38 AMTyra Banks:
I never send e-mails w.hile drunk. I'm never drink. I even don't even comment on blags when drink. I am nothing drink now. Never. NEVER. DRINK. FUCK
10/12/2008 4:38 PMBarry Bonds:
Yo Dick, you know where I can get me some of that turtle blood? I bet that stuff's undetectable! I could use bigger guns, if ya know what I mean... heh-heh.
10/12/2008 10:36 PM