Years from now, when all the Bush-haters are drooling in nursing homes and historians weigh in on my legacy, I think they will recognize the deal I just cut with U.S. car makers was a historic one. The historians, not the droolers.
I got them to take my $17.4 billion loan! Instead of the other way around.
Usually, when you walk into a car dealer and agree to buy that nifty Chrysler LeBaron with the velour seat covers, the process has just started.
First, they want you to finance it with them. Don't do it! You can get a better deal at your credit union.
Then, they try to sell you rustproofing, or an extended warranty, or some kind of clapper in case you lose your keys. Just say no!
Remember--you just did them a favor. If you didn't buy that car, they wouldn't hit their monthly quota.
That's why I played hardball with Detroit. I made them take my financing. I sold them rustproofing, satellite radio and a hard-shell Turtle Wax coating that resists dings in parking lots! That's something every American family can hand down to their grandchildren.
But that's not all--you know what else I got for the American people?
I made them throw in the floor mats. Let's see Obama top that!
Laura Bush:
Georgie, you're one smart fuck.
12/23/2008 9:28 AMBarack Obama:
Mr. President, with all due respect, if you hadn't been such an unmitigated moron for the entirety of your 2 terms, you wouldn't have had to give $17.4 billion to the auto industry. So I'm going top this "legacy-maker" of yours by: A) not being an idiot, B) making sound fiscal decisions, and C) not being in the pocket of big business. It's going to take years to fix the mess you made, but I have assembled an economic team that actually knows what they are doing, which is a big improvement over your administration. We're going to make this better, no thanks to you.
So, in closing, I'd just like to say: don't let the Oval Office door hit you in the ass on your way out. Idiot.
12/23/2008 2:05 PMGeorge W. Bush:
That seems a bit harsh, don't you think? After all, we accomplished our mission in Iraq several years ago and I have personally seen to it that businesses such as Haliburton and Blackwater have been able to thrive under my presidency.
12/30/2008 4:32 PMOsama bin Laden:
You forgot what a boon your presidency has been for Al-Jazeera, you camel's ass.
1/8/2009 9:59 AMOh, and Death to America.