Boo-fucking-hoo. Looks like that rag of a restaurant guide, Tatler’s panned some of my restaurants. One thing they bitched about was “duff” service. I looked up the word duff, and you know what it said? It said no one fucking uses the word duff.
Tatler’s referred to my hardworking wait staff as “inelegant.” And in an attempt to highlight this point, the writer made a highly offensive comment: “We encountered a snappy Slav racing through the specials…”
Um, excuse me but I’m pretty sure that including the word “Slav” wasn’t necessary.
Another part made me chuckle. The part where they said my restaurant “pleases” but doesn’t “wow.”
What do you need? A blowjob with your lobster ravioli? No really, Tatler’s, I need to know what will “wow” you. What if one of my waiters delivered your entrees to the table riding a unicycle and balancing the plates on the tip of a skewer? Would that “wow” you?
These “restaurant critics” are truly the dregs of society. They’re one step above those loser bloggers who write for free as they impersonate celebrities. The fucks.
So let Tatler’s rip my restaurants. The writer can go home and count the penny-per-word pittance he made. Me? I’ll be pushing Euros through my crosscut shredder just for the fun of it.
Laura:
These “restaurant critics” are truly the dregs of society. They’re one step above those loser bloggers who write for free as they impersonate celebrities. The fucks.
thank you for that, very clever. first time I laughed out loud all day!
1/17/2008 10:37 PMOwen:
You know what would WOW me? An ice cold Duff Beer to wash that Lobster Ravioli down.
1/18/2008 2:52 AMNatalia:
said the nobody who comments the blogs.
1/18/2008 12:39 AMMichael Grant Smith:
I thought I heard that celebrity impersonator bloggers are actually paid quite well. If you ever run into one of them you might want to ask if they, maybe, cut a better deal than some of their associates. Which, if they did, would be really wrong. Rat bastards.
1/18/2008 3:00 AM