Seems like some of the critics are not too keen on my new restaurant, called Plane Food, in Heathrow Airport. Like Jan Moir, a former critic for The Daily Telegraph, who is now running her own website called "Are You Ready to Order?"
Yes, I'm ready to fucking order. I'm ready to fucking order a critic with a clue. But I suppose I'll be waiting a bloody long time for that exotic delicacy to arrive at my table. Oh, I'm ready to fucking order; how about a nice "Bananas Foster Jan Moir" flambeed tableside. With a blowtorch.
I love the fucking "critic-speak" these gormless idiots use. Take this nugget from Moir's hatchet job of Plane Food: "the crab itself is pasty and unconvincing as a main ingredient."
Unconvincing? What the fuck are you talking about? It's not Meryl Streep, it's crab. It's not supposed to act or convince you of anything. It's supposed to be scooped the fuck up on your fork and eaten, you twit! It's crab! My word, people like her and Frank Bruni need to be stopped. The bullshit that spews forth from their keyboards is utterly mind-numbing.The fucking idiot also says that "the main drawback of Plane Food, and it is a huge one, is that no naked flames are allowed on site. This means no gas. All the food must be cooked with dull, biddable electricity..."
Guess what, when I press your fucking cheek down on the electric fucking burner, you won't be calling it "dull."
One other thing: DON'T YOU DARE CALL MY EPAULETTES EGGY!
The fact is, if you want shitty fucking food, eat at the kiosks in the airport. If you want a real meal that offers something a bit more than the depressing fucking muckamuck that you see every fucking day, then eat at Plane Food. Hell, eat at any of my restaurants.
If you want cheap toilet paper, use any column by any food critic -- makes the perfect bum fodder.
bibliochef:
ok, this is funny. very funny. fuck me it is funny. wiow fuck me.
4/1/2008 6:43 PMbibliochef:
Fuck me this is funny. I even got a comment in before I finished it (yep,that's me above) -- thought the fucking computer was stuck. fuck me. funny.
4/1/2008 6:46 PMMP White:
Fuck you, dildochef. Funny!
4/1/2008 11:23 PMMelinda K:
You probably need some ointment after all this fing and talc powder in your loo for all your rashes.
4/2/2008 12:15 PMliz:
a dull burn.....
funny as !!
4/20/2008 6:40 AMchuck:
never a dull moment with you at the key board, gordon just slow down and take a deep breath cause with 12 or so stars you can just laugh at these food critics and say
5/4/2008 10:44 AM"fuck you all"............you do now how to say "fuck you"..........don't you???
PeterAB:
Gordon mate, let me start off by saying that I, humble British home-taught chef that I am, I love your show Nightmare Restaurants and - frankly - would give my right arm to work with you.
So you can imagine how I couldn't believe my eyes when I found this blog - Gordon Ramsey has enough time to write a blog, I thought. It can't be true. You appear to getting some heat regarding authenticity mate - any chance you can prove it's the real Gordon writing this blog?
Look forward to hearing from you and details on when you might opening in Chicago?
Peter.
5/27/2008 12:17 PMPeterAB:
Gordon mate, let me start off by saying that I, humble British home-taught chef that I am, I love your show Kitchen Nightmares and - frankly - would give my right arm to work with you.
So you can imagine how I couldn't believe my eyes when I found this blog - Gordon Ramsey has enough time to write a blog, I thought. It can't be true. You appear to getting some heat regarding authenticity mate - any chance you can prove it's the real Gordon writing this blog?
Look forward to hearing from you and details on when you might opening in Chicago?
Peter.
5/27/2008 12:22 PMMary:
Hi,
I am so distressed as I write this email. I know so many in this world don't care about morals and uprightness any more. The attitude and reaction from the younger generation to the recent events of Jonothan Ross and Russell Brand tell me that. Is it not obvious that it is the older generation who object. We from the older generation, thank God, have not been de sensualised from evil.
What I am living amongst now fills me with fear and dismay. I absolutely hate the swear words that Gordon Ramsey chooses for some unknown reason to use. He would have had a much bigger audience if he had left those insulting words out of his programmes, especially the use in swear word terms of the Lord Jesus Christ. I and many other Christians have found the blasphemy that this man has chosen to use in a cookery programme utterly beyond being offensive. If he had used Mohammed's name...which of course he hasn't...his kitchen would have been burnt to a cinder by now. He is totally out of order and never listens.
Gordon, I warn you, soon the Man you swear about will be coming to ask you to answer for your life. I would advise you to make yourself ready for that. If you don't repent He will present you with every f word you have ever said and every time that you have used His precious name in an obscene way. Every time you do that you crucify Him again.
I know before I submit this that many will laugh and jeer at what I have written but I warn you, be careful, I may be right. You must see how society is going now without Jesus in it. Not good eh???!!! Society has to get back to including Him.
God bless you all,
Mary
10/31/2008 1:16 PM