Props to everyone who voted me fun fearless male of the year. Didn’t know that was an award, but they should probably do away with the buying-paparazzi-dinner portion of it. Set me back about $60.

Remember when I closed down my other blog? Well, I wasn’t done. And I’ve been catching a lot of flack for continuing my Honeyee blog. In fact, Tony Romo had some choice words to me about it when we ran into each other at the Cosmo ceremony.

Tony Romo: All you do is blog all day.
Me: Sorry, man. I just have my thoughts I need to get down.
Tony Romo: Well, quit blogging about Jessica Simpson.

She had car issues

Someone recently told me that a lot of my fans are mentally handicapped. I was kind of blown away. This whole time I thought that the people who waited for autographs in dark alleys and who laid themselves prostrate over the hood of my car were just crazy fans. Little did I know they were actually retards. So I figured I should do something about this.

I got my chance at Dan Tannas restaurant, when outside, a “fan” (who I later found out was mentally ill) ran after me, calling “Eric Roberts! Eric Roberts!” Except, it sounded more like “Ewic Wobets! Ewic Wobets!”

See? This is the meanest thing I can say about a woman. This is because I love women. I do. I love women, I write songs about women, and I give them the courtesy of a two week to six month relationship before I leave them. Anything less would be ungentlemanly.

But I had to say something in response to the Clinton staffers circulating this picture of me and a tranny. That’s right. Barack Obama isn’t the only one being smeared by them.

We wear the same cologne

I don’t know what their point is — “Don’t buy John Mayer’s new album Continuum?” Joke’s on you, Hillary people, because Continuum technically isn’t a new album. You should have waited until my next new album comes out.

It just got harder to juggle three jobs these days: singer-songwriter, humanitarian and parole officer.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

Read the article. Read it and then try and tell me that this isn’t typical. Just when you try to sort out your stuff in Ohio, fly to Los Angeles to your job as a musician, you get called back to deal with a troublemaker who drops his gun in a bar. If any of you in Ohio are reading this, and you see Marquis Troche, please tell him to call me. He has my cell number.

I’m probably not the first musician to be awed by The World’s Greatest Music Collection, but I am the first musician to bid on it. If I win this auction, then that would make me The World’s Greatest Music Lover.

Yes, that’s right, I’m a bidder here. I can’t tell you which bidder I am, though. That’s private.

Why am I bidding on this? Aside from it being the most ridiculously hugest music collection EVER? Because no one loves music more than I do. I mean it. And I don’t mean to sound cocky, because I’m not. I’m just being honest. Need convincing that I’m The World’s Greatest Music Lover? Here’s proof:

• I love music this much. (I’m holding out my arms real wide)

All right, first it was NME, then it was Pitchfork - now it’s Rolling Stone. I really should stop reading these crappy blogs put out by the music media, or I’ll never get around to trashing Graham Colton’s music like I’ve been meaning to (spoiler alert: his music is terrible).

Today I was on Rolling Stone’s website, checking up on my daily dose of pop culture news and liberal bias, and what do I see, but RS blogger Daniel Kreps propping Crystal Castles. If you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to Crystal Castles, then I envy you.

I was going to write something hateful about Graham Colton’s music, but today’s blog entry is devoted to this woman I just met named Cameron, the waitress-actress.

Talks with her mouth full of food.

I met her at a pancake diner on Hollywood Blvd, and after her shift was over, we ate together. She told me about a commercial she was starring in, something about boxes. Anyway, we found a hotel room so I could help her with one of her scenes. I told her she should have applied to the Mayer Elimidate, but she said she had just now heard of me.

What does Hot Chip have that I don’t? Will someone tell me, because I have some bananas sitting right here, next to computer. They’re almost, yellow too. So that means we can eat them soon.

Holding a banana in an ironic pose gives you indie cred.

This is the second time that Pitchfork promised me the Guest List. The first time, I had my list all prepared, and they chose LCD Soundsystem over me. If that was what they wanted, well I could have changed my name for them: LCD Mayersystem.

So, Pitchfork, when you’re good and ready to publish my Guest List, here it is, already typed out.

Favorite new band you discovered in 2007
Patchouli Flavorheads. They’re so unheard of, even I haven’t heard of them.

Favorite item you bought in 2007
Since money can’t buy happiness, I opted to buy a poster that I stapled to the ceiling. I can see it over my wall. It just has the word Happiness on it. It’s the closest thing.