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Kiefer Sutherland’s Blog

American television audiences are NOT READY FOR A FEMALE PRESIDENT!

By Kiefer Sutherland

Bio & Blog

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Associated Press

I am about to dispel information that is vital to national security. Please listen closely.

Unless you’ve been DEEP UNDERCOVER ON A BLACK-OPS MISSION IN KOSOVO! the last few years, then you probably know I star as Jack Bauer on the Emmy Award-winning, hit television drama 24. In fact, since I’ve been pretty fond of method acting of late, let’s just CUT THE CRAP and face facts, buster: I AM JACK BAUER! You need only see my Hollywood mansion to understand my commitment to this role. I’ve transformed it into a replica set of CTU headquarters, complete with satellite imagery computers, secret sound-proof interrogation rooms, and a toilet-seat identification device that EXTRACTS READABLE GENETIC CODE FROM YOUR BUTT CHEEKS WHILE YOU ARE PEEING (OR EXCRETING)! All in the name of staying in character, people.

I take my job seriously, so you can imagine my apprehension when 24 producers announced they would be introducing A FEMALE PRESIDENT NEXT SEASON! Don’t get me wrong: I’m a pretty progressive guy, and would love to see a real-life American female president some day—as long as her name doesn’t start with an “H” and end with an illary Clinton.” But a female president ON TELEVISION?! You’ve got to be CHINESE WATER TORTURING ME! (YOU ARE CHINESE WATER TORTURING ME! STOP! I WON’T TELL YOU ANYTHING!)

Sorry. Really, though, I am concerned, for I have slight misgivings whether regular viewers of the Fox Television Network are ready to watch their hero (not my best pic) and the rest of the free world take orders from someone WITHOUT A Y CHROMOSOME! I, of course, have no problem with it. But those who tune in to Fox regularly for shows like So You Think You Can Dance and American Idol are of a decidedly different ilk than your standard hyper-intelligent, truth-seeking 24 watcher.

These viewers, God bless them, tend to have more traditional American values, and expect women to take on more subservient roles (notice how the men always “lead” on that dance show?) or constantly be high on pills. Some of these traditional viewers might not find a strong female character very believable. WHAT IF PEOPLE TUNE IN AND ARE DISAPPOINTED OR OFFENDED?! Next thing you know, they’re complaining to the network about 24 being—God forbid—unrealistic, and I END UP GETTING FIRED FROM CTU!

I mean the show. Fired from the show.

7/26/2007 4:15 PM, Los Angeles
3 comments

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Comments

MJM:

You're both apparently forgetting the brilliant 1985 sitcom starring Patty Duke as PRESIDENT Julia Mansfield. It was called 'Hail to the Chief.'

And I'd vote for Hil over Patty any day.

8/2/2007 11:42 PM

mary:

Actually, I don't watch television, but I think Geena Davis played the role of President on television already.

This will be interesting, my typing went right over the side bar.

I also know some other countries, such as Ireland have had female Heads of State
but I never paid too much attention to how they fare with a female head.

I have worked under male and female bosses and I could never say which of the two irked me more.

I agree with one thing; H.Clinton is not the female for me.

8/2/2007 1:57 AM

Kiefer Sutherland:

Mary, I'm going to share some information with you: I KNOW THAT!

The show was called "Commander in Chief" and my father, Donald Sutherland, who is about as A-list as you can get, co-starred with Geena Davis. Do you know what happened to that show?

IT GOT CANCELLED AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF!!!

I rest my case.

8/2/2007 4:16 PM