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Kiefer Sutherland’s Blog

The Jack Bauer guide to controlling your anger at the polls

By Kiefer Sutherland

Bio & Blog

If you go to vote, you’re probably going to be spending a lot of time waiting in lines. If you’re like me, waiting in lines makes you want to lay waste to everything in sight. To help you out, here are a few techniques for controlling your anger that I’ve learned from my years playing Jack Bauer.

Whisper/Shout
First of all, remember to speak in a low gravelly whisper; this is a standby method to keeping Jack’s constant rage under control. This is also effective because when you do lose your temper and start shouting at everybody, it’ll be way more fucking intense.
 
Get murdered
I know it sounds extreme; it is. But depending on how bad the lines are in your district, you may want to consider being murdered by terrorists. The thing I learned about being murdered is that you always come back, and when you’re back you are definitely angry, but you also kick ass and people are just glad or surprised that you’re not still dead, again.
 
Christmas tree
If getting murdered doesn’t work out, get completely shitfaced and throw yourself at the nearest Christmas tree. This one isn’t from Jack, but I’ve found that it usually works out pretty well.
 
 

 

11/4/2008 9:56 AM, Los Angeles
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