It’s always nice to see people acting on my message of climate change, which is why I was so heartened to find out that the United Nations held a climate conference in Vienna this week. But something seemed to be missing from the event.
Were too few nations represented? No. More than 100 nations participated. Did the United States skip out? No. The Bush administration actually sent a big delegation this time. So who or what was missing? Hmmm, let me think. Oh, I know. IT WAS ME! AL GORE! OSCAR-WINNING-FORMER-VICE- PRESIDENT-INVENTOR-OF-THE-INTERNET- SAVIOR-OF-HUMANITY AL GORE!
How dare the U.N. hold climate talks without inviting me? That’s like the reindeer flying on Christmas Eve without Santa Claus; who without St. Nick, are just a bunch of ungulates discriminating against Christians by trespassing on their roofs on the holiest day of the year.
The Associated Press reported:
“The U.N.’s top climate official, Yvo de Boer, said delegates to the Vienna meeting were trying to forge a practical way forward before a major international climate summit…[The] key goal was forging a rough consensus on emissions targets.”
I can name at least four things suspect about this statement?
- What kind of name is Yvo de Boer? That is probably some kind of satanic message backwards. You know what’s a good name for the U.N.’s top climate official? Al Gore!
- “Before a major international climate summit”? How could it be before? Live Earth happened in July.
- They quoted Leon Charles, a negotiator from Grenada. Grenada is a small island in the Caribbean. How the hell is someone from the Caribbean going to tell if it’s getting warmer outside? Its 90 degrees everyday in Grenada! If they wanted someone who could really tell you about global warming, they should’ve gotten a Polar Bear. Or better yet…Al Gore!
- The final thing that seems fishy: THEY DIDN’T MENTION ME, AL GORE!
I am sorry if it seems like I am over-reacting, but I have a history of…of…of being left out. In prep school, I had few friends. The boys picked on me, ostracized me, and called me names like “Al Bore,” “Gal Gore” and “Bitch Tits.” Today, though, I am finally part of the in-crowd. Not being invited to the U.N. climate talks just brings back painful high school memories…mostly of wedgies from bullies.