I think the current pulse of the nation, and of Live Nation, is that everyone wants honesty out of their favorite musicians and celebrities. So here it is: the daily routine that US Weekly would have paid good money for, but I'm presenting to you, for free.

9:00 AM - We both wake up. Jennifer yawns and covers her breath. I keep telling her that bad breath is natural. She goes to brush her teeth. She does this naked, by the way.

9:30 AM - Breakfast is delivered in bed by my butler, who is a also a Rick Astley look-alike for a second job on the weekends. He brings us toast, omelets, orange juice, tea, coffee, and Swedish Fish. Jennifer eats breakfast in bed naked.

9:31 AM - The subject of marriage comes up. I wait silently until she changes the subject.

9:32 AM - The subject of having babies comes up. I wait silently until she changes the subject again.

11:00 AM - Finally, neither of us are saying anything, and it's getting awkward. I turn on the episode of The Soup that I TiVo'd.

11:05 AM - Crap. The host dude just mentioned Jennifer and I fighting about whether or not we're going to get married.

Noon - Jennifer and I eat pimento cheese sandwiches then decide to go to the mall. She wants to drive her fancy red car, I want to drive my fancy blue and orange car. I don't think either of us know the names of the car. We usually just refer to them by color.

1:00 PM - We shop at Gucci for her, and KB Toys for me. I get to try out the new Rock Band, which everyone says is awesome, but I feel is just as crappy as Guitar Hero. After an hour, I look around and can't find Jennifer.

2:00 PM - It seems Jennifer has wandered off, not wanting to watch me play video games.

4:00 PM - I go home to find Jennifer has already made it there. She said she went off to get a manicure and then she got a cab ride home. I decide not to fight her on this. Then we pop in a TV show we like on DVD, something like The Hills or Aqua Teen Hunger Force. She watches TV naked with me.

6:00 PM - Do we go to Dan Tanna's or Olive Garden for dinner? Do we get married in the spring or summer?

9:00 PM - Exhausted from arguing, I decide to order Chinese from Dan Wong's Star Palace. I get the crispy basil beef, and Jennifer just eats a bunch of egg rolls. And then she eats both of the fortune cookies.

10:00 PM - Exhausted from eating the Chinese food, we decide to go to bed. (Jennifer sleeps naked, by the way.)