When you're a pissed off journalist determined to throw shit at the President of the United States, you should throw something other than your got-damn shoes.

Oh, I get the irony. That irony shit is totally fucking gotten. The first got-damn thing Iraqis did when they pulled down Saddam’s statue was to slap their shoes on it. But you're a motherfucking journalist. Instead of shoes, you could throw some hard questions at the guy.

I got a list a mile long of things better than footwear to toss at him.

1. Throw a pretzel. The only thing that’s ever taken down this sack of shit is a single got-damn pretzel. If you want to do some real damage to the guy who killed  your civilians and destroyed your country, start throwing some Rolled Gold at his ass. Pretzels to Bush is like mistletoe to Baldur.

2. Throw another journalist at him. I’d suggest Helen Thomas. She’d be hard to duck, and would keep chasing him around the room til she landed on his bony ass.

3. Throw some sparkly things at him. While he’s distracted, you can then hit him with your got-damn Shoe of Infinite Insult if you are just dying to do that shit. Keep in mind, though, that if you do insist on throwing your own got-damn shoes at him, you ain't gonna have no shoe-laces to martyr yourself with once the Secret Service hauls you off to Gitmo.

4. Don't they got grenades or some shit in Iraq? I ain't advocating death and destruction, but, got-damn, if you're pissed off enough to lob some Bruno Maglis at the President, you might as well make that shit count.

5. Get his ass more drunk than he already is, then tea-bag him and post the pics on College Humor.

Like I said, I got a list a mile long. But those are the only items I'm gonna suggest, because the last got-damn thing I need right now is my own visit from the Secret got-damn Service.