You know we’re fucked when even the porn industry’s sticking out their soiled and sticky hand for some government money.

I can remember when the porn industry was recession-proof. Now I guess you motherfuckers are so damn cheap you won’t even pay to have a good wank no more.

You already out a motherfucking job, and I know you ain't spending all day looking at the want ads. So what the fuck?

For the good of the got-damn country, you have to buy some pornos. That shit ain’t gonna cream up itself, you know what I’m saying? It is your patriotic got-damn duty to go out right now and buy as many skin flicks and wide-open beaver mags as you can, because the American economy begins and ends with the sex trade. Step away from the free internet porn and go out and buy a got-damn issue of Playboy. Not only does that shit have some good interviews; they are the new war bonds.

Your country needs you. Get a grip, motherfuckers. For the sake of the got-damn country!