Jeez guys. I'm getting my biggest disapproval ratings of all-time over this SNL appearance. Viewers were disappointed that I didn't do any of the heavy comedic lifting, and that there was no Palin-off with Tina Fey. I had some great ideas for the show that got cut:

1. A digital short with Andy Samberg. Aliens invade the planet in the year 2075, then they get mad there aren't enough waffles and kill everyone. Actually, Andy was really excited about this one. He pleaded with me to write more content for him.

That Katie Couric person was not cool. Why did she have do all those questions? They tell me Thursday there might be some more. I certainly hope not but now I’ve got a secret weapon.

I went back to that woman Couric's show yesterday. I don't get that lady. She's pretty like me, but then is all serious and not-nice like. On the show, John and I complained that the reason I've come off poorly in the public eye is "gotcha" journalism. I thought I'd take the time to define just exactly what gotcha journalism is.

1) If the interviewer asks any question that isn't the following:

a) Is it good or bad for Iran to cause a second holocaust for Israel?
b) Not setting pre-conditions to meet with bad guys is stupid wouldn't you agree? Please say something bad about Barack Obama.

Would ya look at that. I've been swiftboated. (Or is the past tense swiftbought?) Evelyn, Denise, Debbie and Patty you can count your lucky severed moose hoof that yours is coming...

Golly! Wasn't that something last night? Before this, the biggest crowd I ever spoke to was a crowd of 94 on Inuit Awareness Day (43 if you subtract huskies).

Did you like that barb about how being mayor of Wasila was like being a community organizer except with responsibility. I didn't get into specifics because my record speaks for itself:

• Keeping wolves away from our babies. The previous mayor, Chester Bottomfields, lost 14 babies on his watch. Me? Only 8. That's a 57% reduction I plan on taking to Washington.
• Fighting gentrification from the Anchorage city folk. We resisted the cosmopolitan sway of greater Anchorage with their fancy Sports Authority-bought Crossbows and their modern refrigeration methods.
• Budget management. And we did it while completely abolishing taxes. The entire budget was raised by chili cook-off's and charity kissing booths.